Know your stars:Phantom of the Opera version!
by Marie-sama
Summary: This was written on phychotic impulse.Just so you know that it's going to be pretty that very strange.
1. Christine

Alright!This is just about the only KYS I haven't seen yet!So I have decided to do my own!Okay so now one with the fic!

**Victim number one.**

Christine walked into the dark room."Hello?" she asked."I have your note about the shoe sale."

_Yeah.Just sit in the chair so we can get your size._ Christine shrugged and sat down in the chair.

_Know your stars...know your stars...know your stars...Christine Daae...she had lip synced every song she ever sang...or in this case lip synced..._

"What!" Christine yelled."That's not true! I can sing!"

_Sure you can...Christine Daae...still wears a diaper..._

"That's not true!" Christine exclaimed."I've been potty trained since I was three!"

_Of course you have...Christine Daae...sleeps with Baby Love Button..._

"Don't bring her into into this!"

_Moving on...Christine Daae...she slept with the phantom..._

_"_How-I mean where did you hear that!"

_Christine Daae...she sucks her thumb..._

"Do not!"

_Riiiight...Christine Daae...she's made of cheese..._

"Where are you coming up with these things!"

_Christine Daae...she's queen of Cheeseland..._

"There isn't even such a thing as cheeseland!And if there was I wouldn't be queen of it!"

_Christine Daae...has a cheese palace..._

"I live in the Opera Populaire!Not some palace made of cheese!"

_Christine Daae...denies that she is made of cheesy goodness..._

"I do not!-Wait! I mean yes I do!"

_Too late...Christine Daae..admits she's made of cheese..._

"I'm not made of cheese!"

_And now you know Christine Daae.The lip synching,diaper wearing,thumb sucking love button lover,who sleeps with phantom's.and is the queen of Cheeseland..._

"No they don't!" Christine yelled walking off the stage.

_Join me next time while I torture my next victim.In the meantime R&R the torture._


	2. Raoul

Hey everyone!Now it's time to torture the person we all know and hate.:The Vifop De Chagny! -evil laughter-

**Victim number two.**

Raoul(-cough- fop -cough- What?) ran onto the stage."Where is my free Herbal Essances shampoo!"

_Just sit in the chair.Then we can give it to you._

"Okay." Raoul said."Because everyone knows that my shampoo is what keeps my hair shiny."

_Shut up and sit down._

"Well maybe if you use the magic word I will." Raoul said standing infront of the chair.Preparing to sit down.

_Sit in the damn chair already!_ Raoul sat down looking considerable frightened. _Know your stars...know your stars...know your stars...Raoul DeChagny...His hair isn't real..._

"Don't say that!" Raoul yelled."My hair is to real!"

_Of course it is...Wiggy McWiginheimer...Raoul DeChagny...he's secretly a Prima Ballerina...tutu and all..._

"How did-I mean nuh-uh!"

_Moving on...Raoul DeChagny...is really a girl...who's name is Foppette..._

"No I'm not!Last time I checked I was a boy!"

_Riiiight...Raoul De Chagny...he really doesn't love Christine...he just likes looking at ballerina's asses..._

"I do love Christine!But those ballerinas are seducing!"

_No they aren't...Raoul DeChagny...he's bisexual..._

"Nuh-uh! I do not like guys!"

_Then how do you explain the fact that whenever you play barbies you always make Ken make out with Ken?And then Barbie._

"I...um...can we move on?"

_See?...Raoul DeChagny...He really isn't a Vicomt..._

"Yes I am!Count Phillippe DeChagny is my older brother!"

_Of course you are...Raoul DeChagny...he has a fear of butterflys..._

"I love the butterflys!" A couple hundred butterflys were releashed into the room.Raoul seemed calm at first but within a few moments he begins to scream like a little girl.

_Told ya so... _The butterflys were then recaptured by a vacuum like device. _Raoul DeChagny...he isn't worthy of Queen Christine of Cheeseland..._

"Christine is queen of Cheeseland?There's such a thing as Cheeseland!"

_No you retard._

"Does this mean I'm king of Cheeseland?"

_Can you get any dumber!_

"Do I need to?"

_Just forget it!...Raoul DeChagny...he wears whitey tightys..._

"Do not!"

_Yeah and I'm capable of telling the truth._

"Then why don't you!"

_Beucase it's called sarcasim moron._

"Oh."

_And now you know Raoul DeChagny...The wig wearing,ballet dancing,whitey-tighty wearing,bisexual girl,who is afraid of butterflys._

"They don't know me!

**Oh I had fun with this chapter!Next up in Erik.I feel so horrible to do this to him,but I have to!**


	3. Erik! or Gerik

Yay this chapter is here! It really is fun tortureing people!Oh and I keep forgetting this!**Disclaimer:I don't own Phantom of the Opera!Only Cheeseland!**There you are!Here we go.Yes and this is Gerik!But I'm just going to call him Erik because it's easier.

**Victim number three.**

Erik entered the room,still wondering why he had even bothered to come.Mostly on impulse because the note was addressed from the fop.And out of sheer interest to see what was so bad about it he had come.All that was in the room was a chair,almost directly in the center.

_Sit._

"I beg your pardon?" Erik asked."The opera ghost does not take commands from a disembodied voice."

_That's too bad.Sit or I'll make you._

"And how exactly do you intend to make me?" Erik asked.

_By doing this. _The chair moved forward and knocked Erik into a sitting position on it.Then he was strapped down and the chair returned to it's normal position._Know your stars...know your stars...know your stars...Erik...he really isn't the phantom of the opera..._

"And do you have proof to backup your claim?"

_Not exactly._

"Then it doesn't phase me."

_Fine...Erik...he has a teddy bear named Mr.Punjab...Mr.Punjab has a costume like his..._

"That I can tell you is not true.Mr.Punjab dies 10 years ago when he was throwen into the lake by an angry phan girl.Never to be seen again."

_If I had an ounce of compasion in me I would say that was a sad story.But I don't so instead I'll just laugh at you._

"Go ahead."

_You think your tough don't you?...Erik...he actually hates Christine the queen of Cheeseland,because she's all cheesy and he's all not..._

"Would you care to make sense for just a moment?"

_How about I say what I want and you shut up?...Erik...he doesn't know of the wonderful cheesy goodness of cheeseland so he will never eat cheesey cheese of cheeseness again..._

"Alert me when you begin to make sense."

_Erik...he plays dolls with Chase Young on a weekly basis..._

"You have no proof of that."

_Don't I? _A picture of Erik and Chase sitting on the ground playing with barbies and my little ponys in seen on a scene.

"This proves nothing.You could have altered a few different pictures to make it seem like that on the internet."

_I will get to you eventually...Erik...couldn't sing if his life depended on it...he's a lip-syncher just like the Queen of Cheeseland..._

"That is a downright lie."

_If it is then sing right now.Occapela._

"Has it occured to you that I may not want to sing?And everyone knows that you have to warmup before singing."

_Lip-syncher._

"I do not lip-sync."

_Lip-syncer of synchingness._

"For the last time I do not lipsync."

_Then sing...or maybe you can't!_

"This is idiotic and childish."

_Fine then...lip-syncher...Erik...he can't compose...he hires people to do it for him..._

"This is where the madness stops!"

_And now you know Erik.The non phantom,bear having,doll playing,non-Christine deserving,lip-syncher,who can't compose..._

"They do not know me!" Erik yelled as the chair released him and he walked off the stage.


	4. Carlotta

Hi everyone!Because I can't think of what to do for anyone else I'm going to do Carlotta! If you have any suggestions or ideas for anyone else please leave them in your review,if I like them(which I most likely will),then I'll put it in the chapter and at the end acknowledge all who helped out with the chapter.

**Victim 4**

A very angry Prima Donna stormed into the room."Where is mah doggies?" she demanded."I 'ave your letter and I want mah doggies!"

_Sit in the chair and you'll get your dogs._

"Is infected with normal germs." Carlotta sniffed.

_Just sit in the chair before I make you._ Carlotta huffed and sat down. _Know your stars...know your stars...know your stars...Carlotta Guidicelle...she has a dog for every outfit she owns..._

"I do not.Mah doggies is only five colers." Carlotta protested."red,black,brown,pink,and white."

_You're a freak lady...Carlotta Guidicelle...she's only Prima Donna because she has so much money..._

"You lie!" Carlotta shriked."I 'ave money.Si.But that is not how I 'ave my Prima Donna position!"

_Of course it isn't...Carlotta Guidicelle...If she were to lose her money she would get fired...because she sucks at singing..._

" 'Ho are you!Why do you lie!" Carlotta yelled,not thinking to move from the chair.No one ever does.

_Because the world has to know the truth...Carlotta Guidicelle...She had a love affair with Raoul before he found Christine,the Queen of Cheeseland,again..._

"No!Piangi is mah one love!"

_Carlotta Guidicelle...She's the Queen of Fopland.Along with King Raoul DeFopace,her husband..._

"If I was a queen it would not be of zis 'Fopland'!"

_Riiight...Carlotta Guidicelle...she's really a man named Bob McFop..._

"No I is not!"

_Carlotta Guidicelle...Her accent is so fake...and no one can decide what country she's from..._

"Mah accent is real!And I'm from Italy...Or Spain!" (A/N:In the Leroux book it says she's from Spain but in the movie and Play she is clearly speaking right?Just thought I should point it out!)

_Now you know Carlotta Guidicelle...or should I say Bob McFop face,the every color dog having,paying-to-keep-her-job,who had a love affair with Raoul,is Queen of Fopland,who doesn't know where she's from and has a fake accent._

Carlotta storms of the stage yelling random things in Italian,while her lackys try to comfort her.

**End Chapter**

Sorry for the sucky chapter! I have most of this planned out.And you people seem to know what I'm doing next!But again sorry for the horrible chapter but I can't think!Sorry for the delay but it wouldn't let me submit the document!Andre and Firmin are next!Any ideas?


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